Lately I've been filled with a lot of ambitious feelings, but nowhere to really express them. I seem to go through this phase every so often. It starts off with me being a little anti-social so that I can have time to mope around and think about fluff, then decide that I'm tired of life as it is. Don't worry though, I'm not suicidal :)
Sometimes I think that I've finally figured out what I want to do in life, only to get sidetracked. Kind of reminds me of Dory from Disney's Finding Nemo. It's almost like a long-term spazziness (apparently that's not a word - the word editor gave me the red dotted line :P).
At one point I thought I had decided that my calling in life was Computer Forensics (think CSI, but the computer version) so I went back to school for a second bachelor's degree, this time in Computer Science. After 2 years, I finished school and found a job doing software support for a financial investment company. I'm definitely thankful that they believed in me enough to hire me on straight out of school with no experience in the IT field, but somehow it's not quite what I had imagined. But of course, I got sidetracked (computer forensics? Maybe someday... I've been sidetracked for about a year and a half now :)). The money is tons better than the last full time job I had pushing papers for auto loans, but I'm getting to the point where money isn't fulfilling enough for me.
Yes, money is very important in life and that is why I'm still working this job. Bills need to be paid, and more importantly, I need some source of income to fund my Japanese/Asian snack obsession :) Maybe it's because I do have a job that I'm able to say that money isn't everything, so I'm definitely thankful (especially now that I'm getting ready to be married and need to save up for the wedding). I wonder though... there's gotta be more to life than just paying the bills and eating. (Yes, even eating! Blasphemy, right?)
I'm not thinking in terms of religion just yet though. Religion isn't something I'm ready to deal with if I'm not even sure who I think I am or what I truly believe in. That's a later philosophical discussion I think. For now, I just really wonder, what's the meaning of my life?
"There's gotta be more to life,
ReplyDeletethan chasing down every temporary high,
to, satisfy me" - Stacie Orrico
"Meaning" of life is over-rated. Life is a beautiful thing in and of itself, without the need for validation of any kind. Searching for such validation risks missing out on what's before your very eyes.
Maybe over-rated, but I can't deny that I feel anxious to do something more in life than what I'm currently doing haha. It's just the way I am, can never stay satisfied for longer than a year at a time lol
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